| On Briar Road |
Transcript |
Briar Road
Roly:
Sah! Constable Roly Beate, reportin' for duty! Thanks to the good offices of Lord van Zieks... ...I'm back on my beat here in the capital, doin' my best for the good citizens of London! SAH!
Patricia:
Aaah, my Roly, back on his bobby's uniform. You couldn't look any more handsome if you tried!
Roly:
Aaah...my love! You say the sweetest things!
Oh, Pat... Oh, Roly...
Roly:
To us, Lord van Zieks isn't the Reaper of the Bailey at all.
Patricia:
Oh no! Of course not! He's, he's...the patron saint of bobbies!
Roly:
The patron saint? ...Oh yes, Pat. You're so right, my darlin'! Keepin' us in pocket, he is. On my first day back on the job, what did I find in the gutter? A shillin', my love! A whole shillin'!
Patricia:
Oh, Roly! I always believed in you! I always knew one day you'd find some big small change!
Roly:
With just that shillin', I could buy you a cheap bunch containing a single flower, my sugar!
Patricia:
A single flower?! Oh...how romantic!
Roly:
But...I'm so sorry, Pat... ...only moments ago that shillin'...disappeared!
Patricia:
D-Disappeared? But, but how, my love? How?
Roly:
I think maybe... No, I'm sure... ...it was this girl here, SAH! You swiped my precious shillin', didn't you, you cheeky little diver?
Gina:
Blimey... ...you took yer time gettin' round to me, didn't ya? I thought that lovey-dovey stuff weren't ever gonna end. So...a shillin', ya say? Lifted from ya, were it? Dunno nuffin' about it. Where's the evidence, eh?
Roly:
Right there! The evidence is dancin' around on the back of your hand, young lady! You stole it from me! You lifted it from my pocket just now! You've got a nerve, stealin' from a bobby!
Gina:
Cobblers! This coin's mine! 'Ow could ya know, anyway? 'Ow could ya know if it was taken 'just now' or not?
Roly:
Dear me, you don't get it, do you? We've hardly got a penny to our name. So that coin felt as heavy to me as a bar of gold.
Gina:
Eh?
Roly:
I'm tellin' you, the moment it left my pocket, I knew. I felt myself get a good few pounds lighter.
Gina:
Agh!
Roly:
Yup! That coin has got my blood, sweat and tears all over it!
Gina:
Nnnnnnrrrgh... ......... Wot's the matter wiv ya, eh? Mr Narra-'Oddo?
Ryunosuke:
Huh? M-Me? Sorry?
Gina:
When a lady's in trouble, a true gent's s'posed to be there to 'elp. Straight away! Not an 'our later!
Ryunosuke:
...This isn't my fault. I haven't stolen anything!
Gina:
An' wot about you, eh, Sholmes? I thought you was s'posed to be a great detective!
???:
...Dear me, Miss Lestrade...
Sholmes:
...you took your time getting around to me, didn't you? I thought that long dispute was never going to end.
Iris:
You only said, 'Give us a minute' when we spotted you over the road and said hello. And that was ten minutes ago, Ginny. We've just been standing here listening to you quarrel with this bobby.
Roly:
Do beg your pardon, madam. We shouldn't be troublin' the public with police business.
Patricia:
But that shilling belongs to us! Doesn't it, Roly?
Roly:
Of course it does, my love! It's just for you and me, my darlin'!
Gina:
Grrr...
Ryunosuke:
(This was just supposed to be a nice stroll with Iris and Mr Sholmes before afternoon tea. Why did we have to run into another fiasco on Briar Road?) I don't really see how we could be of any help, Gina. There's no way of knowing who the coin really belongs to if it was just dropped in the gutter.
Iris:
I wouldn't be so sure of that, Runo.
Ryunosuke:
What?
Iris:
I have a feeling I might know the answer...to the question of whose coin that is!
Sholmes:
Ah, my bright young fellow lodger... Let us hear your deduction!
Iris:
Well, there's actually a reason why I suggested a stroll down Briar Road.
Ryunosuke:
Oh. What reason?
Iris:
You see, I was here yesterday and, well...I dropped a little something. So I wanted to come and look for it. While enjoying an afternoon stroll.
Ryunosuke:
Wait, you dropped something? You don't mean...?
Iris:
It was the pocket money that Hurley gave me.
Sholmes:
What's this, Iris? You dropped that, did you?
Iris:
I'm... I'm sorry. I went to the market on Lime Street yesterday to pick up some herbs, you see. But on the way, I must have dropped it. The one shilling coin you gave me.
Roly:
Oh...
Gina:
A, a one bob bit?
Iris:
Yes. And when I thought back over the route I took, I realised I must have dropped it here. Constable, you haven't seen it, have you? ...It's all my pocket money. And now it's gone.
Roly:
......... Well...erm... I'm, I'm, I'm afraid I don't know anythin' about that, young lady.
Patricia:
What, what rotten luck, droppin' your money like that. Sorry...
Sholmes:
I dare say the constable and his companion could give you a run for your money with their wide eyes.
Ryunosuke:
If it's all the same to you, Mr Sholmes, I think I'd prefer not to be used as the yardstick for looking guilty.
Gina:
Well, it's tough really, innit, Iris? Ya dropped it, so it ain't yours no more. Anyway, ya know wot they say. Wot goes around comes around. So don't feel bad.
Ryunosuke:
Bad luck, Iris. It doesn't look like you're going to get your coin back.
Iris:
Oh... I can't believe I've lost it. And straight after Hurley gave it to me as well.
Sholmes:
Yes, regrettable indeed. I seem to recall that particular coin was rather significant.
Ryunosuke:
What do you mean 'significant'?
Iris:
To be specific...it was especially significant to you, Runo.
Ryunosuke:
Significant to me? ...Ah! You don't mean...? It was the coin...from last night's wager?
Sholmes:
The very same, my dear fellow.
Gina:
Wot's this, then? Wot wager?
Iris:
It was a game of poker. A duel between Hurley and Runo.
Gina:
Poker? Wot, that tricky card game, ya mean?
Sholmes:
'As a lawyer, I have the perfect poker face. You'll never be able to tell what I'm thinking!' said he. But depriving Mr Naruhodo of his entire fortune was even easier than finding that missing thoroughbred.
Ryunosuke:
Grrr! It was so infuriating, reliving it now still makes me grit my teeth. Sorry, Iris, I had every intention of paying you back the money I owe you, but you'll have to wait, I'm afraid.
Iris:
Yes, I know. Don't worry, next month is fine.
Gina:
Let me guess, 'Oddo... Yer 'whole fortune'...
Ryunosuke:
It was one whole shilling. My entire monthly stipend. And I lost all of it! As I handed it over to Mr Sholmes, I gritted my teeth so hard my gums started to bleed.
Iris:
Please, Runo...don't exaggerate. That's a horrible image!
Patricia:
What about a lawyer who borrows money from a ten-year-old girl? Now that's a horrible image.
Ryunosuke:
(...Why do I feel like my reputation with this couple has just fallen through the floor?)
Sholmes:
Ah ha ha ha ha hah! There are few things more invigorating than taking a man for all he's worth!
Iris:
Don't be so pleased with yourself, Hurley. It's not as if Runo ever had a chance of winning.
Ryunosuke:
Wait... What? What do you mean by that?
Iris:
Well, using that special ink I developed, anyone could-
Sholmes:
Thank you, Iris! That will do. I'm sure this conversation is proving very dull for everyone. What's done is done. The game is over now. There's no point crying over spilt milk.
Roly:
'Special ink' you say? Well, sah! That sounds like the sort of risky business that's right up my alley!
Patricia:
Oh, Roly! I love your dauntless spirit! You laugh in the face of danger!
Gina:
Come on then, Iris, spill it. Wot's this 'special ink' about, eh?
Iris:
Ah, well! It's what's sometimes called invisible ink. All you have to do is write the suit and number on the reverse side of every card... ...and with the aid of some special glasses, the whole game is laid bare to you!
Ryunosuke:
Wait! You were wearing glasses last night, weren't you, Mr Sholmes? You said something along the lines of 'My eyesight appears to have suddenly worsened.'
Sholmes:
And the moment you failed to question that as odd was the moment I knew I had won the game!
Ryunosuke:
...Mind games, was it? Trying to throw me off with your eccentric ways?
Gina:
So yer tellin' me Sholmes could see every card wot 'Oddo 'ad?
Ryunosuke:
WHAT?! But that's...that's not mind games! That's blatant cheating!
Sholmes:
My dear fellow! What an accusation! Would you honestly consider me a cheat? Please, I prefer 'trickster'.
Ryunosuke:
Whatever you call it, the game doesn't count now! Understand, Mr Sholmes?
Sholmes:
Dear me... Well, out of respect for the bad grace with which you take defeat, allow me to return your shilling.
Ryunosuke:
...Did you hear that, Gina? So give it here!
Gina:
...Eh? Leave me out o' this! This 'ere one bob bit was mine from the start! No question!
Roly:
No, sah! That there one bob bit was lifted from this here bobby's pocket only a few minutes ago!
Gina:
So ya keep sayin'! Come on then! Where's the evidence?
Roly:
Eh?
Gina:
The law, right, is all about evidence. I know my stuff!
Sholmes:
You see, Mr Naruhodo? Use a trite excuse in court, and others will parrot it.
Ryunosuke:
...Only, whenever I do say that in court, it isn't as a trite excuse, you know.
Roly:
As I said, sah...that coin has got my blood, sweat and tears all over it!
Patricia:
That's right, it has! Roly's blood, sweat and tears are the evidence!
Iris:
Hm, blood, you say? In that case, it's time...for this!
Ryunosuke:
Ah! Do, do you think...?
Iris:
Well, if there's any trace of blood on that coin, we'll soon know about it! Alright, Ginny...hold veeery still...
Gina:
Eh? Wot?! Agh!
Ryunosuke:
Look at that! See there on the coin? (It's clearly changed colour!)
Sholmes:
In other words, there is blood on this coin.
Roly:
Once again, as I said, sah! That would be my blood, sweat and tear-
Iris:
Ooh, wait. I've seen blood turn that colour before. Yes! I know whose it is! I know whose coin it is!
Gina:
Wot?!
Iris:
The rightful owner of this bloodstained shilling is... ...Runo!
Ryunosuke:
Huh? Me?
Sholmes:
And from the appearance of the blood, I would say it is quite fresh. Left within the last twenty-four hours.
Ryunosuke:
Within the last... Ah! Then, in that case...
Gina:
So...this is the coin wot Sholmes 'ad off 'Oddo last night in the poker game?
Iris:
Oh, Runo! Do you mean you really did make your gums bleed?
Ryunosuke:
I told you, I was so infuriated to lose, I had to grit my teeth as I handed over the money.
Gina:
Blimey...yer as 'ard up as me by the sound of it. But I thought you 'ad a proper job.
Ryunosuke:
Come on, Gina, just hand it over, would you? The shilling...that's rightfully mine.
Gina:
......... Argh! Fine, alright then! Just stop yer bleedin' starin'!
Ryunosuke:
Aaah...I finally have it back. It's like a dream come true!
Gina:
Tsk. I nearly 'ad that one in the bag an' all.
Iris:
That's wonderful news, Runo. I'm so happy for you! Now then...as you promised... ...I'd like my money back, please. The shilling I lent you before.
Ryunosuke:
Ah!
Iris:
You did say that you'd pay it back out of this month's pocket money, didn't you?
Ryunosuke:
Oh...um...yes... Well then, I suppose...
Sholmes:
My dear fellow, do be kind to your gums.
Roly:
Looks like that shillin' was always destined to be taken from you, sah.
Patricia:
For some reason, the phrase 'serves you right' is floating around in my head...
Ryunosuke:
S...S...S..Sooo, Iris... As p-promised...here...is the shilling I owe you.
Iris:
Oh? You're repaying me already? Well, thank you. Next month would have been fine, though.
Gina:
Wot's it all about anyway? Wot are you lendin' 'Oddo money for?
Iris:
Ah yes, well actually, it's because I went to the Lime Street market yesterday to buy herbs... ...for Runo.
Gina:
'Erbs? For 'Oddo?
Ryunosuke:
Yes. The tea Miss Susato left behind is top-quality gyokuro tea, but it's just so bitter. So when Iris suggested mixing it with some herbs to make it more palatable, I asked her to buy me some.
Iris:
That's right. We've made a special Japanese herbal tea with the leftover gyokuro. I'm going to call it Susie's Special Blend! I do hope you'll all try it!
Ryunosuke:
The excruciating bitterness clings to the throat...if you can persuade the bright green gloop to leave the cup.
Sholmes:
Why, it sounds quite delicious!
Gina:
Yeah, right...
Sholmes:
Well, it would appear this shilling's brief adventures are now at an end.
Ryunosuke:
Adventures?
Sholmes:
You must agree, my dear fellow, that the coin has made a considerable journey since last night.
Ryunosuke:
Let's see... Originally, it was the coin I was supposed to give to Iris to pay her for the herbs. But then, in our poker duel last night, it passed to you, Mr Sholmes.
Gina:
Who gave it to Iris as spendin' money.
Iris:
But then I dropped it here sometime yesterday.
Patricia:
Then my beloved Roly found it a little while ago and picked it up...
Roly:
...Before it was lifted from my pocket by this here diver.
Iris:
I then used my favourite gun to show up the blood that was on it...
Gina:
...And let slip about Sholmes's little scam in 'is card game last night.
Sholmes:
The annulment of which resulted in the coin returning to the ownership of Mr Naruhodo...
Ryunosuke:
...Allowing me to pay Iris the money I owed her after all... ...for the herbs she'd bought in order to make Susie's Special Blend tea.
Iris:
And now, after all that, the coin is resting safely in my pocket.
Sholmes:
.........
.........
Gina:
......... Yeah, yer right, that was an adventure. But wot are we s'posed to take away from it, eh?
Ryunosuke:
That this one shilling coin belongs to Iris and Iris alone, I think.
Sholmes:
I cannot fault your observation, Mr Naruhodo.
Iris:
Well, you know what they say... What goes around comes around!
Ryunosuke:
(Why do I get the feeling that Iris knew it was coming around to her from the very beginning?)
Sholmes:
Ah ha ha ha ha hah! Priceless, as they say! Well then, my dear fellow, how about this evening we indulge in some bitter tea and a bitter rematch? I'll even allow you to stake the coming month's spending money in advance.
Ryunosuke:
...I fold.